Thursday, 17 March 2016

Rolling Fog




It has been a while since I have last posted anything on my blog.  Life has changed completed for me and my family since the autumn when my lovely dad who was healthy and fit suddenly passed away out of the blue of a heart attack at only 59.   We are still reeling and the hole in our hearts he has left behind seems cavernous and vast, he was my partner in crime, my mentor and my best friend and I love and miss him dearly.

No one tells you that grief is so debilitating in all physical, mental and social aspects. People who are lucky enough not to have walked this path have no idea and expect for you to be okay by now. Unfortunately I have found out that it doesn't work like that, that the more time goes on and reality starts to sink in the more it bloody hurts.

I always remember a quote from the Queen that was documented at the time of her father's death 'Grief is the price you pay for love'.  The depth of your grief is as deep as your love, that is why it hurts so damn much I guess.

The rolling fog of grief doesn't seem to have lifted much at all yet and the prospect of the future seems frightening. My dad would have wanted us to try and rebuild and regroup and keep living.  My dad helped me build my Vintique Tree business and it has been the one thing that through this burning grief has helped to distract me, for a while at least.

I was unsure if I would do a blog post mentioning my dad's death but he was such a part of my journey and always will be that it felt wrong not to.  I think death in this life isn't the end of our journey just a transformation that the human mind cannot grasp in a world of materialism and 'we only believe what we see'.

A bit of a rambling post but to anyone else who is on this awful path too, I hope we all can get 'there' wherever 'there' is soon and in the meantime who knows where life is taking any of us, all we can do is breathe and take each day as it comes.